Well, I finally started my preprac. And it was about time too because I was starting to worry that I never would.
I walked into the school and went to the office where I was greeted by...no one. There was no secretary, no principal. No one at all. I saw a teacher sign-in book and saw that my supervising teacher (who for privacy reasons I'll call J) had already signed in, so I knew she was there. Five minutes go by. One teacher walked in, didn't look at me. Another came in, same thing. A third comes in, "Hi, are you waiting for someone?" Yes! Finally someone acknowledges me! "Yes, I'm starting observations today and I don't know where I'm supposed to go." "Okay," said the teacher and she signed in and left the room. Uh, okay. I thought you were going to help me out since there is no one in the office right now, but no it's cool, I'll just be late to first period on my first day. Whatever. Two more teachers came in and one of them looks at me, her hand clutching a coffee from Dunkin Donuts, and said, "Hi, are you waiting for the principal?" I decided to word my answer differently than I did with the first teacher who acknowledged me, "No, I'm here to start student teaching and I don't know where the classroom is or where I'm supposed to sign in or anything." She walked behind the counter, handed me the book that I was supposed to sign in in and told me to sit tight and she would go get my supervising teacher. This woman will forever be a godsend to me. Had it not been for her I would have stood in that office for God knows how long.
The Godsend came back and told me to follow her so that she could show me where the classroom was. On our way there, we were greeted by my supervising teacher, who reminded me so much of my favorite English teacher from high school, something I am taking as a good sign. J walked me up to her classroom and told me to make myself comfortable and sit at her desk. She had an extremely easy going personality. I felt comfortable with her right away; something that is very important as I tend to be wary of asking for help. She said she was done with classes at 12:20 that day and we could meet and talk a little bit more then. And she left to go and get her students.
You can learn a lot about the type of teacher someone is by their classroom set up. She had a piece of paper covering the clock so the students couldn't check the time, and there were signs on the door that said "Tough is your middle name" and "It all starts here." There was also a big sign above her board that said "No whining." Okay, she's a tough teacher. Definitely not a bad thing. She also had a porcelain jar on her desk that said "Ashes of Obnoxious Teenagers." She was a tough teacher with a sense of humor. Absolutely not a bad thing. Possibly the best type of teacher for me to learn from.
The classes weren't doing anything too intense today, just reading a scene from a play. But it gave me the opportunity to see how the students reacted to her and how she worked with them. You could tell that the students respected her. They were more behaved than a lot of the students in my 8th grade class. Even the "intervention" class didn't seem too bad, they definitely seemed a bit more difficult, but definitely not the worst students I'd ever seen. But I mustn't get too far ahead of myself, it was only the first day.
J chose not to tell the kids who I was today. She said she wanted me to remain a mystery for now and that if any of the kids asked me who I was, then just tell them not to worry about it and to go back to their classwork. For the most part, the kids asked her who I was. One student asked if I was her daughter. Yeah, she's only six years older than me so no. Curse my perpetually 18 year old looking face! Although even then, what was she 12 when she had me?! Anywho, during one of the last classes, one boy turned around and asked me if I was with CityYear. I told him I wasn't. Then he asked me, "What are you doing here?" I smiled and told him that he'd find out soon enough who I was and I went back to taking notes.
At the end of the day, well, the end of J's day. We chatted for a little bit with the teaching interns from CityYear and then sat down to have our meeting. We talked about how often I would be in her classroom, when my full time student teaching starts, what my preprac entails, what my practicum entails. And I told her that I was very nervous. Having never been in front of a classroom before. She told me not to worry and that I wouldn't be nervous after a few days. She sent me an email after I left with her contact info and attached a list of all of the students names, seating charts, what she expects from student teachers. She also told me that when I go back on Wednesday, she'll tell the kids who I am. Hopefully after that, I won't be so nervous. When I feel more like a teacher and less like a creepy person in the back of the class taking notes.
I am still nervous though. Terrified, actually. I suffer from crippling self doubt. I never think I can accomplish anything. But I am pushing through that for this. I have pushed myself through that all throughout college and grad school and now, I'm starting student teaching, so no matter how much I doubt myself, I need to push through. And I need to remember that asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of, asking questions does not make me stupid, and during this time I am still a student. I am still learning. I'm bound to make some mistakes along the way. Rome wasn't built in a day, after all. If I remember that and keep lines of communication always open between J and myself, than hopefully in May when I finish and reread this blog, I'll see extreme growth and be incredibly proud.
Or I'll hate myself and be incredibly embarrassed; one of the two.
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